Chicken or the Egg?
I was recently remembering a conversation I had with a professor of mine in college. He was a very serious, matter-of-fact guy who constantly talked about how our thoughts create our feelings. Everything stemmed from how we think. Events don’t cause us to feel or behave in certain ways, but rather, it was our THOUGHTS about the events that cause us to feel & act. At the time, I thought he was crazy. What if you have a death in the family? Or some other trauma? We’re human and of course that would make us sad, right? I have to admit after having lived several decades now, that my old professor was right. It’s our thoughts, not events or experiences in and of themselves, that shape our feelings and behaviors. Here’s an example: let’s say that two people on the same day get laid off from their jobs. Person A is crushed. They wonder how they’re going to survive. They think that they are a failure or a loser because they weren’t good enough to keep the job. They tell themselves that everyone at work is looking down on them for losing the job. And maybe they think they’ll never be able to hold a job because they’ll just get fired again since they’re incompetent. The person spirals into self loathing, anxiety, depression and retreats to their bed. Maybe they start drinking to dull the pain. They isolate from their friends and family out of self-hate or embarrassment. They’re truly suffering. Now take Person B. They get laid off from the same job on the same day. Sure, they’re sad because they lost their job. They’ll miss their friends. They’re disappointed. But instead of the negative self-defeating thoughts that Person A suffered from, Person B might tell themselves more positive and TRUE things like, “You know...I never really liked that job that much anyway” or “Well, that was a learning experience and now I can move on and use it for the future.” Or- “It just wasn’t a good fit. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with me as a person!” Person B, suffering no anxiety or self-loathing might then take the opportunity to rest a while and have some fun. Or they might be ready to get out there and find a job that they really will enjoy because it’s a better fit for them. Can you see the difference our thoughts make in how we feel and how we behave? It’s natural to have emotions. But when our self-talk is negative and defeating, our emotions follow, leading to issues like anxiety and depression. We don’t have to go down that path. ❤️ So which came first: the feelings or the thoughts? I think you know what my answer would be.
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